05 September 2016

First Grade

I remember first grade. I had Mrs. Leffler at Olympic View Elementary School. I met Quincy and was told I was his first crush and made friends with my Brownie (Girl Scout) buddy, Charlene. I hid in the giant tires on the school playground and told Charlene my dad was dead, simply because I thought divorce would be too complicated to explain. I told some big bullies to leave my friend Rachel alone when she was stuck on top of the jungle gym, she was so scared that she peed her pants. I handed her my jacket and told her to tie it around her waste while I walked her into the nurses office to get fresh clothes. I remember reading to my teacher, I can hear her voice, I remember learning heads up seven up and wanting to be picked SO bad! I remember hearing a swear word and knowing it was super duper bad, like maybe worse than lying about someone being dead. I remember feelings, thoughts, colors, life. 
Georgiana starts first grade tomorrow. 
She will be making her own memories, ones she will keep with her forever. It's crazy to me that she is this old already! Before bed, she told me she was a mix of excited and nervous. 
Me too Georgie girl, me too.
Who will help her open some of her tough lunch items? What if she gets hungry for a snack? What if she gets lost at the big school? What if she feels scared or sad or...
What about little Levi? Will he be lonely while she is at school and dance? What if I don't know where to park when I drop her off? What if...
And yet, somehow in the midst of my mostly silly anxiety, I know that she will soar. There will be hard days, but she will do it. Levi will do it. I will do it. And somehow despite all the what ifs, this new phase will become our normal. Simply put, I will miss her while she is at school. I really really will. I envy the moms who count down the days until school starts again. I wish I felt that way, because the feelings I have are not so jovial. You better believe I will be putting that drama major to use tomorrow, I will smile and be brave for my little peanut. I am praying for sunshine, so I can hide my tears behind my sunglasses. Lord, please help me to hold my tears in until I am in the car. Poor Levi, he will be very well equipped to deal with women, maybe he will have 10 daughters like he says he will. "Ten girls and Ten boys!" 
He turned 4 today. Georgiana and Levi's birthdays bookend the summer. Kind of makes me overly conscious of how quickly they are growing up. 
I better get to sleep, I am sure the tiny people will be waking up early tomorrow, and it is much easier to handle the mama emotions with a good nights rest.
#allthefeels 

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