I am not very good, I actually completely stink, at waiting. So much so, that Kelly has more than once told me that he thinks my "Native name should be No-Patience Nickel." Yes, isn't he clever :) And, remember a few weeks ago when I requested prayer for a vague audition, well I am still trying to be ever so patient as I wait. Not this past weekend but the one before, I was given reason to keep waiting and hoping, and at the time it sounded like no problem. But, as each day comes, each morning I expect to somehow wake-up with not a care in the world, hoping that somehow overnight my desires will have changed, yet I awake to find that I want this more than ever. That I don't know how to not want it. A couple of months ago, I wrote down 7 verses on some 3x5 notecards. One for each day of the week. Up until last night, I thought I recognized all of the common themes, trusting in the Lord, being bold and courageous, and following the Lord's leading. It seems I somehow conveniently overlooked the word "wait." I was reading the cards last night and it hit me like a ton of bricks, it was like the word "wait" was written in a bold font. I felt like God was answering my what should I do question with, "wait!" I jumped out of bed and went into the bathroom where Kelly was brushing his teeth. I said, "you know how my verses for each day have common themes..." I was getting ready to tell him, like "trusting etc..." When, he just looked at me and said, "Yeah, like waiting." It was like he and God were somehow in on this little joke. I am sure I looked like a little kid trying really hard to solve a math problem, and with just a hint of defeat in my voice I said "what, yes, exactly like that."
Just as I felt instructed and able with the Lord's strength, to be "bold and courageous," I also believe I am being instructed to "wait." Only thing is, this is unchartered territory for me. I am a, I want it done yesterday kind of girl, and this is a life lesson and reminder that I am not in control, life doesn't happen on my timeline.I don't have a backup plan. I am just going to trust, commit and yes, wait. My cards are laid out, and my heart is looking towards Him, I am literally waiting for God's direction. The longer I have to wait, the more I am getting to know the One I am waiting to follow. And, that is a beautiful gift.
"Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;
they will mount up with wings like eagles,
they will run and not get tired,
they will walk and not become weary."
Following the Lord is an interesting balance between running and being still.