19 October 2010

What was I thinking!?!

A couple of weeks ago I was thrilled to find a haircut coupon in the mail. Only $9.99 and just 5 minutes from my house! I know, I know, many of you are already thinking I am crazy. But, I am on a new adventure of bargains and my hair grows crazy fast, so I threw caution to the wind. Kelly begged me not to go, but I gave him my word that I would not complain upon my return, and I ventured out.

As you may have already guessed, no appointment necessary! Just walk on in. So walk on in I did. Upon entering I was greeted by a semi-friendly woman who practically ran over another employee to meet me at the counter. I am guessing that whoever checks the customer in, gets to do the haircut, thus makes the money... But, I'm not sure. Anyway, after checking in I sat down and quickly realized that A) I was the only person not wearing either flannel or Carhart and B) I was the only customer whose primary hormone was estrogen, I kid you not.

The lady who checked me in was, how do I say, not the most modest. And she was speckled with hair trimmings in places that I had no desire to see. I was texting Kelly and debating on whether or not to leave. I decided to stick it out and savor the experience.

I pretended to be texting and sent myself notes on the experience while I waited my turn. One may wonder how an establishment can make very much money when they charge so little for the service. Well, have you ever heard the saying, "you get what you pay for," it's true. Since 99% of the customers had hair no longer than an inch, did I mention there was a sign for a military cut discount, the turn around is faster than a car wash. Again, I kid you not.

The stylist next to me used the same slogan each and every time. I must have heard "short but not scalped" a dozen times! Another saying I never expected to hear and yet was used more frequently than you could imagine was, "we don't want you looking like a coconut." No, no we do not.

Two employees debated whether or not the 3 year old little boy getting his mullet trimmed was more like a bobble head or a doggy on a dashboard. The little boy didn't seem to mind, his only concern was what color balloon he was going to get as his prize to take home.

Moving on, as I sat patiently waiting for my turn, I heard the country song "I knew what I was doing, but what was I thinking..." It was like I was in a movie and the soundtrack was playing loud and clear for everyone to hear.

My name was called and to the chair I went! I didn't wash my hair that morning because I knew I was going to get my haircut. Oh silly me, I should have washed, because all they did was spritz me with a water bottle. I told the stylist I would like 4 inches off of the bottom. She used 3 different objects to show me what 4 inches would look like. Each object was a very different size than the one before. I just wanted the standard 4 inches like you would find on a ruler.

After informing me that my hair was very thin, she began to cut. Then Bobby and his dad walked in, and my stylist was more distracted than ever. I soon learned Bobby was to be married the next day and was in to get all cleaned up before he got hitched, his words not mine.

My stylist was flirting away with the groom to be, so I tried reigning her in with a few small talk conversation topics. This was of no help, she mumbled something about 4 inches again and showed me yet another object that may or may not represent what I was thinking, and then returned to giggling with Bobby and his father.

When Bobby was no longer available for chit chat, she looked right at me and said "so, we breast feeding?"

What, what in the world... Of course my small talk had begun with talking about Georgiana, so she knew I had a little baby, but still, odd transition. Although I sometimes use "we" in place of "are you," for some reason it bothered me the way she used it. Perhaps because the rest of the conversation was all "we taking prenatals?" We, we, we... By the end I wanted to say "I don't know what you are doing, but I am doing blah blah blah!!! I can only answer for myself." Don't worry, I held my tongue and politely answered her questions.

When it came time for my bangs, well that was a real treat. See, she thought it best to round them. Yep, she used the word round, like the arch of a rainbow. Thankfully she described her intentions, of course using her own bangs as an example, before applying the scissors. It was at that point that I decided against anything other than a 4 inch (give or take) trim. She obliged.

You know the feeling you get when you leave a salon, you feel all put together and ready to hit the town. Like it would be a waste to just go home and not go out with your new do. Well, surprise surprise, but $9.99 did not provide such a feeling.

I left with partially soaking wet, partially damp/wavy and frizzy hair, which somehow looked more like a come over than a side part.

It has been almost 2 weeks and I haven't worn my hair down once. Unless you count last Saturday when I wore a hat...

Needless to say, as of now my haircut will not be where I save the big bucks.

To assist in my recovery, my gift card and I will be going to Gene Juarez this weekend. Where I will sit in a cozy robe, drink cucumber water, and get my feet scrubbed while listening to the sounds of a fountain. And, hopefully the word mullet will be no where on the radar.

Oh, and the day after my haircut, Kelly, Georgiana and I were out on a drive in the town Bobby had mentioned he was having his reception. Sure enough, we saw a few paper plates with arrows stapled to poles stating "Bobby & Deb Weddin." Kelly asked if I wanted to stop by. Unfortunately I had left Georgie's camo dress at home, so we opted not to crash the reception. Stay tuned for pics, she really does have a camo dress complete with a ruffle butt. And, my nephew Taye used to sport the cutest little Carhart jacket. So, I am so not against these items of clothing, I just prefer slippers over sorels at the salon.


Robica said...

Your stories crack me up! Round bangs!? oh my.

Chris said...

best. post. ever. loved the story!

Anonymous said...

I went for a similar bargain several years ago. My highlight was the hairdresser insisiting that I use a SCRUNCHIE to pull my hair up, because coated rubber bands just weren't enough.

Our growing family said...

Nicole...this is one of the reasons I love you! You are hilarious!!! This has to be one of the worst salon (if it can be called that!) experiances ever!
I have used a few coupons at "in n out" salons, but I have only had good experiances...I cannot even imagine what this was like!
Ahh...good story though!

Ashleigh_Jason said...

You are hysterical Nicole! I love it!

katrina amburgey said...

hahaha this reminds me of just a couple weeks ago, my sister asked me where she could find a cheap hair cut. Well I did know of such a place that was right next to Safeway in Kent. She went in, had yet another hairdresser that used "we" when referring to "you" and chopped her hair where hair should not have been chopped....needless to say she wont be listening to my advice and is looking for hair extensions to blend in the choppy mullet hair cut that the hairdresser gave her.lol

Robin said...

wow......just WOW.